EWR ---> SEA

Wednesday November 25th 3:55pm flight to Seattle.

..out of Newark.

Out of the three NYC airports, Newark is my least favorite to fly out of -- especially during the holidays.

We had a half day at work so I left at 12, got on the subway to 34th Street, walked to Penn Station, waited in line for 15 minutes to buy my train ticket, got on the train and transferred to the air train.

At the air train station I checked the monitor for my flight and correct terminal. My flight wasn't posted. hmm that's weird. I must be early or the monitor must not be updated. I boarded the overly crowded air train anyway and was crammed into the little pod-like compartment among the other holiday travelers.

While in my seat on the air train I decided to verify my travel documents. Why wasn't my flight on the screen?? Waves of a sickening feeling started in my stomach. I unfolded my printed confirmation email to see "New York-Kennedy" discreetly printed at the very bottom. I AM ON MY WAY TO THE WRONG AIRPORT!!!!!!!!!!!

Panic, shaky hands, stomach cramps, frantic texts filled with misspellings to Jecca and Laina take place. Obviously I can't start making phone calls and let eavesdroppers hear of my mistake. I have to maintain a little bit of composure in front of my fellow air train-ers. I texted my mom, I texted Laina, Colleen and Jecca something along the lines ofHoly s***!!! My flight is out of JFK and I'm headed to Newark! F***

I got off the air train at terminal A and started a mad dash in pointless circles back and forth between the American Airlines ticketing counter to the escalator to the window and back again. I called my parents' house, I called my mom's office, I called my mom's cell, I called my dad's cell, I texted my sister... NO RESPONSES! Where is my family during this emergency! I may be absent from our Thanksgiving dinner!!

Luckily, thanks to gchat, Jecca stepped in and took the necessary steps to help me. She got on the phone with a car service who told her traffic between Newark and JFK would be an hour and a half. I would never make the flight. She checked the Alaska flights out of Newark and the 6:30pm flight wasn't sold out. She sent me the 1-800 number for Alaska Airlines.

I found a semi-private corner to make the call. I was connected with Sharon.

"Hi-Sharon- my-name-is-Jamie-and-I-am-traveling-to-Seattle-from-New-York-I-was-supposed-to-go-to-JFK-and-I-went-to-Newark-I-am-at-the-wrong-airport-I am-never-going-to-make-my-flight-home-for-Thanksgiving-what-can-I-doooo?"

While she put me on hold, I called my dad on my other phone. Terrified freak in the airport corner with two Blackberries, one on each ear. With hold music in one ear and my dad's voicemail in the other, I left my dad a panicky message.

Sharon got back on the phone and told me that I can leave from Newark on the 6:30pm flight. "PERFECT. Let's do it!"

"Bless your heart, dear. You will make it home in time for Thanksgiving. You're not the first person this has happened to. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Thank you so much! You have been so helpful. I will make it home to see my family, but they will never let me live this down. Thanks so much for your help!! Happy Thanksgiving!"

$305 later, after my "expensive mistake" as per Sharon, my ticket was changed.

I finally got in touch with my mom who was completely and surprisingly calm about the situation.. does she not know what trauma I just went through?! Does she realize her 25 year old daughter should be in assisted living?! She blamed my lazy eye.. That's right! I would have been able to get to the correct airport if I had some freaking contacts!

Anyway, I made it to Seattle and I am thankful for Jecca, gchat and Sharon from Alaska Airlines this year. Seriously.. if it wasn't for them I'd probably still be curled up in a ball crying in the corner of terminal A.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

x y z

Today was one of those days where everything was off. First of all, I hate Tuesdays with a passion. They are always my worst days. I snoozed my alarm for too long, decided to download music instead of get ready, just missed the subway. I seemed to have fallen out of the "loop" that I need to be in at work. I couldn't do anything right. In an email fight with my boss (fight = normal emails by the way... I am clearly overly sensitive) I was forced to apologize for something really minor that wasn't even a problem rather than lack of clarity.. blaghhh I hate being forced to admit to my boss that I am an incapable idiot.

ANYWAY..

Today was one of those days where I didn't seem to understand anything around me. I missed meetings I didn't know I was supposed to be in, I was included in projects I didn't know my boss volunteered me to help out in. I accidentally said "fart" instead of "part" and I was put in charge of managing the remodeling of a new office!!!? I didn't know any of the correct technical and contractor terms I should've been using when speaking with the head of facilities and information systems. Again.. I sounded like a huge idiot. (think: "ohh so your department only hooks up the phone wires and not the ..umm .. power wires?)

When deciding what to do after work today, I figured it would be best to go straight home to avoid any more forced announcements of my idiocity. Plus all I really wanted to do anyway was watch Gossip Girl and eat the $6 worth of broccoli I bought this weekend (Whole Foods is hella expen$ive!) I sat on the subway home rethinking my day and getting frustrated with myself and how I need to try harder tomorrow and do a better job before my boss really starts regretting hiring me.

Frustration and annoyance with my lack of savviness in life started to take over until this entered my subway train and stood right in front of my face. This is when my staring problem and immaturity took over. My formerly frustrated furrowed brow was lifted as my inner 3rd grader was overjoyed and dying to yell

"XYZ! eXamine Your Zipper!!!"

He must have been having a lousy Tuesday too. It's nice to know that in a city where everyone seems so polished and put together, this guy wasn't. At least all of my clothes were properly on and fastened today.

I realize that my level of excitement over this is very pathetic. But its probably more pathetic that I ate $6 worth of broccoli!

slip ups

What's a first day of work without a little awkwardness, right?

I went to bed Sunday night exhausted from a crazy fun too-much-vodka exactly-how-I-wanted-it-to-be weekend. I was too tired to even plan out my outfit the night before... yep, I was THAT tired! I am the girl who has her closet color coordinated and always has her outfit picked out the night before and ESPECIALLY on the eve of an important day!!

I first awoke from a nightmare where Juliann (my weekend Boston visitor) caused me to miss my first day of work because she couldn't find her bus back to Boston! So I woke up stressed out and confused with how much time to give myself for my new commute. I ended up being about 7 minutes late for paperwork. Big fat OOPSIES...

I got my ID issued, got to my new desk, was welcomed, got a little tour, etc. Phew.. so far so good. Then I realized that I have been meaning to buy a slip for the skirt I decided to wear yesterday because it is see through--oh yeeahhh... Definitely see through and yesterday was also laundry day which means I didn't have the best choice of undergarments. I decided to go to Bloomingdales on my lunch break to buy a slip. I told the sales girl I didn't need a bag for it because I was going to put it on immediately. She glanced down and noticed my cream colored skirt and grey underwear combo and with a little smirk, pointed me to the fitting room. I got in the fitting room and put the slip on and all of a sudden MARBLES flew off my wrist and bounced all along the fitting room floor. My favorite bracelet broke and went bouncing around in the Bloomingdales fitting room.

I scooped the beads up and realized I was starving. Food was second on my lunch to do list after the slip, so I wandered around my new work area in search of a deli. I found one that seemed strangely familar so I walked in. This deli had hand drawn pictures of all the food just like one near my former employer Abercrombie & Fitch. hmm interesting, I thought. They had the exact same things and prices too. That's when I made eye contact with one of the guys behind the counter and we exchanged a strangely familiar look. It was one of the guys who used to make my turkey club for me every day at my old deli!!!

In the packed deli he shouts, "hey I remember you! How are you? Your hair is different, but I would never forget you!"

I responded that I recognized him too and that I have highlights now. He informed me that the deli has the same owners as my alma mater deli a few blocks away. We had a nice little laugh as he handed me my familar and comforting turkey club.

Still smiling at the irony and full circle moment I had, I was stopped by the receptionist on my way back to my desk because I had a flower delivery! My boss had sent me flowers as a welcome! So fun!!! Day one yesterday was a slip up success.

Judais-dumb

One of the best things about my new job is the diversity. I work with old, young, tall, short, black, white, Asian, Indian, Jewish, Catholic, Christian, gay and straight people... you name it, we've got it. I really like this about the company I am with. I like being exposed to different people. I had mandatory diversity training in my old job and I'm sure I probably got at least an A- on some sort of college paper on the topic. I'd say I have a pretty open mind, but I am learning I am uneducated.

My boss is an Orthodox Jew. There are several Orthodox Jews in the office. This is not a problem for me... except it is. My raised-in-a-Christian-home self does not know how to say or spell Chaim, Moishe, Lichtenstein, or Leizhersohn. I receive calls and verbally butcher innocent victims' names as I try and get my mouth to reproduce sounds I know I can't repeat. Before this job "The Chosen" was probably the most exposure I ever had to a Jew. I have become so obsessed with my lack of awareness and being sensitive, that now I swear I see mirages of yamakas on every man's head I see. This is only the beginning of my problem. I don't think I ever paid attention or retained any studied facts about Judaism that I may have learned in school. Here's why:

One of my first days I said mister on the phone and my boss corrected me to address the man as RABBI. Rabbis often come visit and call him and don't speak English. This makes me nervous.

There is a kosher fridge in the kitchen next to me. I don't know what I can and can't do with it. All I know is that I shouldn't be putting any BLTs in there. I prefer to take the safe route and leave it alone and use the fridge down the hall.

This older man in the office likes to visit me and give me candy and of course I encourage this. One time when I was not at my desk he hid a mint behind my stapler. He called me to give me the hint to look behind my stapler and in my excitement I said without thinking, "Ohhh fun! It's like an Easter egg hunt on my desk!" I hung up my phone and realized I just mentioned Easter to a Jew. Shit.

The same candy guy shared a box of chocolates with me to celebrate the birth of his grandson. As I was savoring a delicious raspberry truffle, in my ignorance I asked, "awww! What's the baby's name?" There was a pause in the room and he told me Jewish babies are not named until 8 days after their birth when he will be circumcised. "Do you know what a circumcision is?" he asked me. No... can you please explain?... with a diagram? How mortifying.

Needless to say, I've been spending a lot of time on Wikipedia but it hasn't been paying off. Somehow no matter what I read, something dumb is still able to slip out of my mouth. I'm trying to educate myself, but it's humiliating to have to immediately minimize my internet browser when someone gets within reading distance and can read the tabs I have open: JUDAISM 101, Keeping Kosher, 2009 Jewish holiday calendar, Answers.com-Shabbos.

I guess I should have actually read "The Chosen" and not just the Cliffs Notes.

getting to know my new coworkers

I've never worried too much about meeting people and making friends. At any new job my tactic is to learn the job first, then venture out to make friends. If doing both at the same time is possible, even better. I've only been at my job for a week and am already making friends. I already have people bringing me candy. I have a bag of black licorice candies in my drawer and can't stop eating them! Today specifically was a great day for me to make friends with my new coworkers!

This afternoon the COO gave me a few labeling projects to do. He brought over 3 boxes of company logo pens and placed them on the ledge of my cube and left them for me to label. I made nice labels and stuck them to all sides of the boxes and then for some reason in an "I'm finished" kind of way I instinctively PUSHED the box a little too hard. The entire box fell off the ledge in a HUGE LOUD CRASH and pens spilled all over my cubiclemate's floor.

In an instant it felt like heads popped out of offices and every door frame like in cartoons when everyone's heads peek out at different levels. A couple of people came out to see what I had done and help. My face got so red as I frantically scooped up as many pens as I could and threw them into the box. Awkwardly I said things like "Pen Pinata!" and "Well this is a great way to meet everyone in the office!" and "That sure is a narrow ledge"

Then after regaining my composure after the pen incident I went to file a few things in my boss's office. The COO came by again. By the way, the COO is a grandpa-like guy. He is really serious but for some reason always winks at me--at least I think that's what his eyes do. He contorts his face in a way that resembles a wink sometimes but actually it looks a little painful. Anyway, he came in the office to chat with me while I was filing for a second. After he left I looked down at my shirt to brush off the little hole punch holes only to notice the MIDDLE BUTTON of my shirt was completely undone making my Victoria's Secret very public.

So now I am the new girl who dropped a million pens, exposed her bra and has a black licorice stained grey mouth. Great first impressions! I have a successful future ahead of me.

job requirements: emergency first aid...?

As you read this post, let me first tell you that I work for an investment bank.I mostly work alongside middle aged men; my co-workers are husbands and fathers. For 99% of the workday we sit on our asses at desks where extremely minimal manual labor is required of us. However, it's starting to feel like there are more accidents in my office than I recall from being a nanny and Sunday school teacher. I'm contemplating the potential benefits of keeping bandaids, Bactine, and baby wipes in my desk drawers.

Riptide Rob - late 30s-early 40s, father of one.
One Monday morning in the summer Rob came over to tell my cubicle mates and I how lucky and grateful he was to be alive. He had spent the weekend with his family in the Hamptons and was swimming when he was pulled out really far by a riptide and almost drowned. The lifeguard had to swim out and bring him back to safety on the shore. No one will ever let him live this down and therefore he obtained the office nickname Riptide Rob.

Well, back in February I was walking past the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. I curiously glanced into the kitchen in passing and noticed Rob in the doorway. He was bent over and it looked like he was either spitting or vomiting directly onto the kitchen floor. In a panic I shouted "Are you ok?!" and wondered to myself in a judging kind of way why he didn't puke in the trashcan. He shook his head no that he was not ok and I ran to get some help. Rob ran out of the kitchen and into the mailroom and slammed his stomach on the handle of a handtruck to dislodge whatever was stuck. One of the other guys quickly began the Heimlich and Rob started couching and throwing up whatever he was choking on. Turns out he had choked on a cold cut slice of turkey. Basically I did nothing to help except judge him for choking and not vomiting in the trash can. This was a conversation I had right after:

me: Ahhh someone was choking in my office!

I was the first person to see him and I didn't know what to do

Colleen: omg

did someone give the Heimlich??!! me: It was really gross he was like barfing too

It scared me!

Colleen: o

m

g

that would freak me out too! What was he choking on? And, was he doing the universal sign for choking?

me: He was choking on turkey!

Eww

Colleen: ew

gross

just plain turkey?

not a sandwich?

me: Yeah I think just a slice

Colleen: thats really weird

how could that restrict your airway?

lol

poor guy

me: I have no idea! It was weird

Bottlecap Bailey - 38 years old, father of two
Because of the recession, my company Christmas party consisted of beers, cheese plates and mingling on our trading floor. My cubicle mate made a big scene at the party and left abruptly because somehow he had swallowed the tab to a soda can. He rushed to the ER for x-rays and kept complaining about how horrible this was because he had a family and kids to take care of. Was he thinking he was going to start profusely internal bleeding? This was how he was going to die?? RIP Bottlecap Bailey? He ended up surviving and the doctor said that he either passed the soda can tab or never swallowed it in the first place. He kept his doctor's number close at hand all week in case any sharp stomach pains were to arise.

Bottlecap Bailey also is prone to falling asleep at his desk, often chokes on his food from eating too much too quickly or using too much hot sauce. Again, I usually do nothing to actually help him, except I helped come up with the name Bottlecap Bailey.

Mr. N - 66 years old, father of three.
The CEO of the company. He is well-respected in the industry and for the most part keeps to himself. He doesn't talk much and very rarely flashes a smile. I can probably count single-handedly the number of times he has specifically addressed me by name. (Side note--my firm has the 3rd and 4th floors of our building and has connecting stairs in between the two floors right by the reception desk) Mr. N was coming down the stairs on Tuesday while I was working at the reception desk. I was answering the phones and receiving a delivery when I heard the loud tumbling noise of someone falling down the stairs. On the landing I see a disheveled Mr. N slowly picking himself up. I have NO idea what to do!!! All I manage to do is shyly ask "Are you ok?" The delivery boy hurried over to offer him a helping hand, but Mr. N dismissed it and mumbled with a crooked smile something about having new soles on his shoes. Making noises indicating he was in some pain, he hobbled down the hall back to his office. This is the IM conversation I had right after:

me: Oh shit! Mr. N just fell down some stairs right in front of me!

I am so awkward in situations like this

Colleen: o

m

g

please tell me you were kind and pleasant!

me: I asked if he was ok

Oh man

Colleen: was he ok?

me: Yeah he said he was Colleen: good

This is when I realized I have a problem reacting in emergency situations. I don't know what to do with myself. It is evident in my IM conversations that I don't really take them seriously. Part of me is holding back laughter and another part of me wonders to what degree an accident should be considered serious? I also have a problem because it feels weird to be the youngest person in a professional environment and constantly be in the position of witnessing my superiors choke and fall. I don't recall first aid certification as one of the requirements for my current position, but at the rate things are going, it might be a good idea to brush up on my Heimlich, CPR and emergency situation strategy! Or maybe I could just supply helmets, slings, kneepads, diapers, and neckbraces.