mama, mary poppins & midnight burgs

My mom came to visit me for a NYC staycation a few weeks ago and we had SO MUCH FUN! She arrived on a Friday evening and came to "pick me up" from work. (I've had a track record of being a slightly cranky hostess with visiting family members, but I PROMISED to be nice this time...) I was SO niiiice I even let her take a pic of me in my desk at work.

Our staycation would not be complete without staying in a Midtown hotel and having a semi-itinerary planned. Most important items on the agenda were where (and how frequently) we could eat. Our hotel was close to Madison Square Park and the famous Shake Shack where I had never been. Such a shame as a New Yorker that I can't always participate in the constant burger debates without sampling what Shake Shack has to offer. In passing I pointed out the always-long, curvy line of burger customers winding through the park (at all hours of the day). We came up with our plan of attack--we would either go right before they close or for breakfast when they open. We were determined to get a burger and beat the line.

Saturday was filled with pancakes and a bit of shopping. We went to see the lovely Broadway production of Mary Poppins and loved it! 3/4 of the way through the second half I started thinking about Shake Shack and it evolved into an obsession. I. HAD. TO. HAVE. IT... TONIGHT. So... I pantomimed eating an invisible burger to my mom and our mother-daughter brain waves synchronized and it was confirmed without using any words that we would be eating burgers post-show. My mouth watered thinking about fries and cheesey burger.. ketchup and crispy lettuce.

I didn't realize that we were carelessly giving Mary Poppins and the Banks family a standing ovation while the burger clock was ticking away! Shake Shack closes at 11pm and we were still in the theater still at 10:40! we have to get out of here!!!

We hurried out the door but were in Times Square. This is no place to get a cab. A pedi-cab rang his puny bicycle bell and offered a ride--doesn't he realize he can't pedal our fat asses fast enough to get us a much needed 11pm night cap burger?!

I decided we'd be better off speedwalking out of Times Square to find a cab. We walked to 5th Ave and I jumped in a cab.

"23rd STREET MADISON SQUARE PARK AS FAST AS YOU CAN!"

10:56pm and we got to the Southwest corner of the park and ran through the blinking crosswalk hand. "We're never going to make it!" I shout to my mom as we're running. I stopped running feeling defeated and sad that we weren't getting burgers. Mom keeps running full speed ahead with no signs of slowing down!

"Stop running. This is pointless!!!!!!!!!!!"

She didn't listen to me! She kept running full speed ahead so I started running again too. We got to the window and were panicky until the employee stuck his head out and said "If you ladies want to order you need to do it now. We're closing." IT WAS A BURGER MIRACLE!

"TWO CHEESEBURGERS!" I yelled without looking at any menu. "two orders of fries and diet cokes?" I ordered in a questioning voice seeking my mom's approval all at once in disbelief we made it.

Once the order was successfully placed we started laughing hysterically out of relief that we were going to be satisfying our craving for burgers at this hour in the night. And laughing at how serious and stressful this quest for burgers had become.

Here are the victory pictures

classic post-burger-binge shame



mom and sister are coming for a visit verrrrry soon! Burgers anyone??!?!?!

Miracle on 34th Street

I went to Forever 21 on 34th Street on my lunch break in a desperate search of a cute dress to wear to a wedding. I filled my arms with a few potentials although I was pretty sure everything would be too short and hoochie rather than wedding appropriate.

Then I laid eyes on a mannequin that I hoped would be future me. I had to have it. I did a once, then twice over sweep through the nearby area and didn't see it hanging anywhere. I went back and impatiently stood next to cutie future-me mannequin waiting for a Forever 21 salesperson to walk by. Two girls came my direction pushing a long rack of clothes. I smiled and asked "where can I find that dress?" and pointed to lovely mannequin.

"It should be around here, in this area. If it's not, then it's sold out."

"Can I buy the one off the mannequin?"

"No, I'm sorry." ...damn it. Of course I can't have it.

Just then another employee walked by and thankfully overheard what I was asking for. The two workers conversed in Spanish and the one word I picked out amongst the pointing was Azul. I wanted to chime in so bad because clearly they didn't understand how much I needed this dress. "Si! Azul!! DONDE?!?!?!" is what I shouted in my head. Second Spanish speaker chick lead me to a rack of clothes. She put her arm way into the rack and pulled out my cutie dress! HOORAY!!! I got the last one and I am just now coming down off my shopaholic high!! I feel so silly, but I really feel like the luckiest girl right now!! It was a summer miracle on 34th Street!

Värnamo ho!

Once upon a Saturday afternoon, roommates Jamie and Laina ventured to the Brooklyn Ikea. They were on a couch hunt. They wandered through the maze of couches doing their comparison shopping Goldilocks-style: "this one is too hard, this one is too expensive, this one is juuuuust right!" The girls found a very plush, perfectly sized brownish-with-a-hint-of-purple couch for a very reasonable price. Jamie wrote down Värnamo and its location in the warehouse. The girls meandered through the course of Ikea and selected various other necessities--wineglasses, frames, a cantaloupe colored flower.

The girls finally made their way to aisle 18 bin 52 where the couch was located and come across nothing. Not one purpley-brown couch in sight. Feeling defeated and learning that the store will not receive another shipment until Tuesday, the girls hesitantly headed toward the cash registers. Instantly the other purchases seemed meaningless without having a couch in tow.

Laina chose a cash register line and Jamie followed. Suddenly the next thing Jamie saw was Laina jumping and grasping something in front of them.

"It's the couch! You took the last couch!!!" She exclaimed to the redhead in front of them.
"It was the last one? There were two when I saw it there." said the redhead as she draped her denim jacket over the couch, staking her claim.
"There weren't anymore..." Laina said sadly as she turned to face equally saddened Jamie.

"Bitch." Jamie whispered to Laina.
"Seriously, give us the couch" Laina and Jamie made some quiet banter back and forth.
"I'll buy you a Pinkberry if you give us the couch"
"Jame, we dilly dallied too long! We would have gotten one of them!"
"It's because we spent way too much time searching for that stupid lamp. UGH I am pissed!" Jamie said as she stomped her foot in the same bratty way she did as a kid.
"I think she's swiping her second credit card for it. The couch might be ours afterall!" Laina said as she gave the redhead a death stare.
"she looks like she's nervous, she's getting flushed. Just hand over the couch. Your credit card is declined!" Jamie said as she hoped for the credit card to decline.

After the redheaded couch taker left with the couch, Jamie was rung up at the register. "Those girls took the last couch and we wanted it and now we want to hurt them!" Laina told the Ikea cashier who laughed.

..."Did you see a sticker for this? Or remember how much it was?" Asked the Ikea cashier as she searched the cantaloupe hued faux flower.
"No, I have no idea." Jamie said annoyed.
"hmmm..."
"Damn it Laina! You chose a flower with no tag! This is the worst Ikea experience ever! Forget the flower." Jamie whined with another stomp of the foot.
"Well, why don't I ring everything up, put it all on hold and then you can run back and get another flower and then you can cut the line and come pay for it all." The cashier offered.
"Ok."

Jamie headed back through the warehouse where she instantly laid eyes on THE couch!! Something snapped inside of her and she tried to call Laina. No answer. She sprinted back through the maze of customers and yelled while flailing all limbs "LAINA THERE IS AN ABANDONED COooOOuuUCH OVER THEeEeRREeeEeEEeEE!!!"

"GO GET IT!" Laina and the cashier exclaimed in unison.

Without another word Jamie was filled with a surge of adrenaline and weaved back through the sea of customers to stake claim on the unclaimed sofa. After slyly scanning the area, Jamie slowly began pushing the couch in the direction of the registers, waiting for someone to protest her couch theft. Nothing happened. Jamie successfully pushed the couch all the way to the front of the line where the cashier's smile was just as big as Laina's and she was motioning to cut to the front of the line.

Being a smarty pants, Laina had to ask "aren't you glad now that I chose a flower with no tag?"
Jamie gave her a dirty look completed with an eye roll.

"Does this make it your best Ikea experience ever?" Asked the cashier.
"Yes! I am so excited right now!" Jamie grinned. Her bratty mood completely vanished.
"So no flower I take it?"
"Yeah no flower. Over it."

The two girls had never been happier. They got in line for home delivery, filled out the paperwork and were again united with the redhead from before.

"So what couch did you end up getting?" Asked Red.
"Same one as you." Laina stated proudly.
"ohh... I hope its not the one I saw with the big scratch on it" Said bitchy Red.

"yeah whatever, redheaded ho-bag. Why do you have to be such a bitch?" Jamie and Laina again had a whispering bashing session.
"How about you fix your ponytail?!"
"How about you don't wear two shades of kelly green that clash?!"
"and that scarf"

The couch was delivered the SAME DAY scratch free! Stupid redheaded biznatch. Hers better be scratched.