sensory underload

In any big city, we have sensory overload. Thousands of sights to be seen, things to be heard, food to taste, things to feel, and smells to be smelled (although usually an unpleasant trash and pee combo). We have the gift of senses.. did we forget that?

A few weeks ago I heard on the news that NYPD vehicles have been outfitted with a device called the Rumbler. Ever since I heard this story I've been a little obsessed. This is a device that is used in tandem with the LOUD and forceful audible siren. The Rumbler emits vibrations that can be felt, so drivers with their stereos on and pedestrians with headphones on can be alerted to the approach of emergency vehicles. Are bright flashing RED and blue lights and ear splitting sirens not enough to catch our attention anymore? Soon we're going to have to be tasered.

iPods and car stereos aren't the only things to be blamed. Texting, Twittering, Facebooking while walking are all the things that are endangering us. We don't pay attention to what we're doing or where we're going. We've seen the headlines: "Texting Teen Falls Down Manhole," London introduced a "safe texting street" !!lined with padded lampposts!! Are we going to have to text-proof our world now? Ridiculous.

But, I too am guilty which is why I am writing this post. On Wednesday after work I had some time to kill before meeting a friend. I decided to walk around a little bit--look for my future husband... hey, you NEVER know!

Anyway.. I'm walking along and glance at my iPod to ensure Lady Gaga is on repeat when BAMMmM! One of my biggest fears takes place! Did I miss seductive eye contact with a handsome 6'4" stud? .no. .worse.

Carelessly in my Lady Gaga iPod dilemma, I failed to see

THIS

headed straight at me!

I had to JUMP over the cane to avoid tripping both of us! My lack of awareness and appreciation for my eye sight got me thinking about how much I take it for granted. It's sad to think about people who are living with the challenges of not having all working senses in comparison to those of us who would rather have iPods in our ears and BlackBerries in front of our faces.

I say, put the phone in the pocket, pull the headphones out of your ears and take a look and listen around. We're lucky we can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell our world.



even if it does sometimes smell like pee.

milk to go

I love "to go" things as much as the average person. I love that I have the option of picking up take out, grabbing a coffee on my way to work, or eating Go-Gurt. We live on the go!! This was made very clear to me when I saw this mom strolling down Fifth Avenue BREAST FEEDING her baby!!Some things are not meant to be portable just quite yet.

swimming lessons

We've been having daily dosages of afternoon thunderstorms. The weather is hot, muggy, thundery, lightning with sporadic rain showers. Only a true New York woman uses this forecast to her advantage. Free swimming lessons!




Lesson one: the pencil dive.

help I need socks

Ricky's (think Rite Aid+Sex Shop+Spencer's+beauty supply shop+costume store) was promoting a new line of health remedies called Help. On my walk home from work today I saw the launch of the product, complete with a live display for the bandages Help I have a blister.

and THIS is how they advertise. Man in heels on treadmill brings you Help I have a Blister!

Although the more I think about it, its not really that funny because he probably dresses drag in his free time so heels are no biggie. AND is this Help product merely a package of socks?? Because wouldn't his socks prevent the blister from forming in the first place?

was gonna complain about my job, but...

I better be careful what I say!

Yikes!!! what happened to freedom of speech?!

I feel the need to complain a little bit anyway:

1. Yesterday someone literally emailed me an address and told me to print it on a label and stick it on an envelope. I can't believe I went to college for this. I have papercuts on my knuckles.
2. My fave bra broke this morning.
3. My skirt keeps spinning around backwards when I walk.
4. Monday night some kid ran by me and slapped my ass.
   

How is it only Wednesday?

i'm SO cool

literally. so cool

I made a way overdue air conditioner purchase yesterday! Walking home from the train on an 84°+ muggier-than-I-can-handle Thursday I felt inspired and spur of the moment. I walked past some shop in Chinatown with appliances in the window. I turned around and went in.

"Hi I need the smallest air conditioner you have."
"what's the square footage of the room?"
"I have no idea. Very small. Look, I need a small AC that I can carry home right now."

---am I really supposed to be able to know square footage of things??---

He brings me a box. I pay for it and walk home. This is awkward and really heavy! My black skinny jeans are soaking up and magnifying the sun's rays! My knee pits are sweating so much! I make it up 3 flights of stairs, almost fall backwards. Jeans are suffocating my legs. must. keep. going. 3 more flights. I unlock the apartment. Holy Hell it must be 110 degrees! I peel off sweat saturated black claustrophobic wetsuit skinny jeans. All clothes come off.

I put the AC together, get it in the window, turn it on. SUCCESS! I am so proud of myself. ouchhh my fingers. Fingers are bleeding. Every finger has little stripy cuts. wtf.

Oh well, I feel proud and independent and handymanish. I make up a little Destiny's Child 'Independent Women' remix in my head.

All the women who are independent
Throw your AC's up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your AC's up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your AC's up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your AC's up at me

I told Dan I had a surprise for him when he comes over. TADAAAA I unveil my surprise.

Dan: "Why didn't you wait for me to help you?"
Me: "Because I felt spontaneous and needed to get one right then."
Dan: "I would've helped you."
Me: "I am able to do things by myself, you know! Gosh!!"
Dan: "Oh yeah?? Look at your fingers."

...cue my Destiny's Child remix's fade out...

ew.

I feel like EVERY New Yorker is saying this to me. For some reason people directly in front of me on the street--and I mean literally 7 inches in front of me light up a cigarette and take a BIG PUFF which leaves me in a GIGANTIC cloud of nasty smoke to walk through. This especially makes me nauseous in the mornings and makes me sad because my clean hair picks up every smell.



(seriously.. my hair immediately smells like burnt pretzels, hot dogs, and hazelnuts when I walk by these stupid street carts) ----->



Back to smoking... last night on my walk home some foreign language-speaking-biotch burned my leg with her cigarette! I walked away with a stingy, grey line on my thigh and her acting like nothing happened but with a guilty look on her face.

ew. I hate you.

...and you know what you did.








ps. this cig & qtip combo is my current nightmare

how do they do that in NYC?

There are lots of questions that come up when I talk to people back home in Seattle about life in New York. Such as: "how do you grocery shop?" "How do you do your laundry?" "How do you manage six flights of stairs a day?"

City life is different and always interesting/difficult. Here is something you may not think about but I found interesting today on my way to work.

The city has several flower pots on street corners. I've always wondered who plants them, waters them, takes care of them. I've never seen any gardeners. But, I learned something new--how they are watered! This big green truck drives by and sprays water into the pots!! I found this highly fascinating and it also made me curious why no homeless people were trying to nab a free shower.

fair-weather friend

Being a Seattle native, one might think I was bred with immunity to rain. Looking back to my memory images from childhood, umbrellas don't seem to be there. I remember putting my hood up and climbing on the condensation filled, perfect for tic-tac-toe fogged up windowed yellow school bus, heading to school ready to kick ass in heads up seven up during indoor recess.

However, these days I find myself becoming a rain wimp. As a New York City perma-pedestrian I always have an umbrella (sometimes two) in my purse because you must be prepared for all weather. As prepared as I might be, I have also become the lame, literal fair-weather friend who cancels plans because of precipitation. But I've come to realize that it's not just me and my reasoning holds some validity.

On the Saturday before Halloween there was a dog costume party scheduled at a nearby dog park and I had to see dogs in costumes, I mean who can pass that up? I checked the website and remembered it saying that if the weather was poor the party would be rescheduled for Sunday. I left my apartment in my hooded jacket and Uggs, raced to the dog park only to find one teensy chihuahua in a pink tutu looking slightly embarrassed with that OMG I thought this was a costume party and it's not look on her face. I came across a crumpled flyer taped to the fence saying something to the effect of "because of scary weather the dog party will be on Sunday." I looked up to see a haze of grey clouds. What's so scary about that? Was there a hurricane or tornado on the horizon? Why is it only me and overdressed chihuahua who are brave enough to be out on this doomed Saturday?

Or a year and a half ago after a date to the movies with the guy I was seeing, we came out of the theater to find torrential downpour. We ran and jumped over the puddles to the nearest bodega to buy an umbrella and with chivalry, he walked me to my train. However, he failed to give me the umbrella for my post 6 train walk home. Now, in in hindsight, I'm not so sure he ever meant to give it to me like he said he did. I got off the train at 86th and Lexington; paused in realization that I was both hoodless and umbrella-less and grudgingly walked to my apartment on 82nd and 1st. For a split second I envisioned myself as Britney Spears in her Stronger video but that daydream quickly vanished once I was aware of my mascara streaming down my cheeks and I was having trouble keeping my pants up. After only a few measly blocks I was so soaked I could have shampooed and conditioned my hair out on the corner of 84th and 3rd.

The other New Yorkers in my midst have the same mentality. When rain is forecast, everyone on the train has their umbrellas in hand ready to pop open at first raindrop. This scares me. My fellow pedestrians, I say to you: Rain is not going to kill YOU, but your umbrella is going to kill ME! More often than not, there is a man who is carrying one of the long cane type umbrellas and he is swinging his arms the normal back and forth way, therefore his umbrella and the pointy tip is swinging back and forth turning into some sort of pendulum torture weapon ready to stab an innocent victim: me. This is especially scary on stairs. I think it is very important that people do not do this. So much so that I once voluntarily put myself in harm's way and allowed a mild stab so that the umbrella carrier would realize the danger he was creating. I hope he learned his lesson. Even B. Spears, my baldy homegirl's weapon of choice is an umbrella ella ella ey ey! Yikes!

The reason I am so obsessed with rain and weather is because it was forecast to snow today and it has been, but it makes me nervous! I have been talking about it since Thursday and I warned my friends that if it snows too much I am going to stay in. I went to a movie and once the closing credits started, I had to fight the urge to run to look out the window to see how much snow accumulated.

My poor-weather bravery I once had as a child has diminished. I hate that I catch myself saying things like "oh, I'm not going to the party. It's supposed to rain." But really, can I be blamed? Who wants to knowingly be umbrella stabbed or have water logged pants that barely stay up or have an overdressed chihuahua?