Catch Phwase

Important preface to the story is that I was a nanny for 3 years in college. All three of the kids I babysat had the same speech impediment. Y's replaced L sounds and W's replaced R's. SO.. Aftew thwee yeaws of babysitting them I yeawned a pewfected babytalk and tend to talk in it fwom time to time. My famiyee has also twied it too and we talk yike it pwobably a yitt-oh too much, you will yeawn once you wead this stowy beyow.

Being home for Thanksgiving was great. What's more to love than family, food and games? I love to bring out all the board games whenever I'm home and force everyone to play at any slight sense of downtime. Waiting for mom to cook? Grab Scategories. Don't want to help with the dishes? Bring out Boggle.

I've had my favorites: Boggle was great last year at Christmas with my bro, Cranium entertained us all for hours last year at Thanksgiving, Balderdash was a hit a couple years ago on family vacation. Scategories is always a winner to me. And what was this year's winner? drumrolllllll......... trusty old Catch Phrase.

For some reason Catch Phrase seemed a little overplayed to me and I wasn't excited at first. Then the "how do you play?" questions started.. my family had never played before? Or had they forgotten?? This could be fun. So I explained the rules to everyone: "You have to say clues about whatever word pops up in this little window viewer thing without saying any part of the word," and I displayed how to click the disk (yes, literally click because we still have the original non-electronic first generation game).

We divided into teams. Me and my brother-in-law against my sister and Mom. We got a few rounds in before Dad's ears perked up at the sound of fun and he relocated from his solitary TV watching to join in. This complicated the teams having 5 people and uneven teams. The new teams were Mom, Sister, Brother-in-law versus Me and Dad. The seating arrangements were complicated too. We had a hard time with the logistics, but got a good game going. We had a nice flow until the buzzer started going spastically fast and Sister would pass to Brother-in-law and it would BUZZ causing Sister to get pissed that even after she got her word guessed, her team would still lose because she passes to her teammate.

Well, I pointed out that her slowdown was on par with mine because Dad was unable to read the tiny print within the disk's word viewer thing. Every time it was passed to him he'd sit there forever before he could make out the word. At one point he and Mom were sharing a pair of glasses back and forth which didn't work so well when they were passing both the disk and the glasses. This is a competition!

It was pure chaos when Mom thought she was trying to get her teammates to guess Bite the Bullet but misread it to be Bite the Dust and embarrassed herself by overly explaining "someone is JUST dead. They're TOTTTALLY dead.... ohmygosh that is NOT the phrase at all" Click to the next word. We all busted out laughing.

Dad was trying to get me to guess encore and my mind went blank. Mom was trying to get her team to guess Fingers and for some reason she apparently had been focused on the chicken fingers I had eaten at the airport TGI Fridays and kept talking about chickens to get her team to guess fingers. No one was even close to guessing fingers when she frustratedly shouted "FORGET ABOUT THE CHICKENS!!"

But the best Catch Phrase moment of all was when my mom was trying to get her teammates to guess broom so she said "You SWEEP with it!" and my sister yelled "a BLANKET!!"

Sounds yike my big sistoh has had a yitt-oh too much baby talk when she mistook SWEEP for SLEEP!

EWR ---> SEA

Wednesday November 25th 3:55pm flight to Seattle.

..out of Newark.

Out of the three NYC airports, Newark is my least favorite to fly out of -- especially during the holidays.

We had a half day at work so I left at 12, got on the subway to 34th Street, walked to Penn Station, waited in line for 15 minutes to buy my train ticket, got on the train and transferred to the air train.

At the air train station I checked the monitor for my flight and correct terminal. My flight wasn't posted. hmm that's weird. I must be early or the monitor must not be updated. I boarded the overly crowded air train anyway and was crammed into the little pod-like compartment among the other holiday travelers.

While in my seat on the air train I decided to verify my travel documents. Why wasn't my flight on the screen?? Waves of a sickening feeling started in my stomach. I unfolded my printed confirmation email to see "New York-Kennedy" discreetly printed at the very bottom. I AM ON MY WAY TO THE WRONG AIRPORT!!!!!!!!!!!

Panic, shaky hands, stomach cramps, frantic texts filled with misspellings to Jecca and Laina take place. Obviously I can't start making phone calls and let eavesdroppers hear of my mistake. I have to maintain a little bit of composure in front of my fellow air train-ers. I texted my mom, I texted Laina, Colleen and Jecca something along the lines ofHoly s***!!! My flight is out of JFK and I'm headed to Newark! F***

I got off the air train at terminal A and started a mad dash in pointless circles back and forth between the American Airlines ticketing counter to the escalator to the window and back again. I called my parents' house, I called my mom's office, I called my mom's cell, I called my dad's cell, I texted my sister... NO RESPONSES! Where is my family during this emergency! I may be absent from our Thanksgiving dinner!!

Luckily, thanks to gchat, Jecca stepped in and took the necessary steps to help me. She got on the phone with a car service who told her traffic between Newark and JFK would be an hour and a half. I would never make the flight. She checked the Alaska flights out of Newark and the 6:30pm flight wasn't sold out. She sent me the 1-800 number for Alaska Airlines.

I found a semi-private corner to make the call. I was connected with Sharon.

"Hi-Sharon- my-name-is-Jamie-and-I-am-traveling-to-Seattle-from-New-York-I-was-supposed-to-go-to-JFK-and-I-went-to-Newark-I-am-at-the-wrong-airport-I am-never-going-to-make-my-flight-home-for-Thanksgiving-what-can-I-doooo?"

While she put me on hold, I called my dad on my other phone. Terrified freak in the airport corner with two Blackberries, one on each ear. With hold music in one ear and my dad's voicemail in the other, I left my dad a panicky message.

Sharon got back on the phone and told me that I can leave from Newark on the 6:30pm flight. "PERFECT. Let's do it!"

"Bless your heart, dear. You will make it home in time for Thanksgiving. You're not the first person this has happened to. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Thank you so much! You have been so helpful. I will make it home to see my family, but they will never let me live this down. Thanks so much for your help!! Happy Thanksgiving!"

$305 later, after my "expensive mistake" as per Sharon, my ticket was changed.

I finally got in touch with my mom who was completely and surprisingly calm about the situation.. does she not know what trauma I just went through?! Does she realize her 25 year old daughter should be in assisted living?! She blamed my lazy eye.. That's right! I would have been able to get to the correct airport if I had some freaking contacts!

Anyway, I made it to Seattle and I am thankful for Jecca, gchat and Sharon from Alaska Airlines this year. Seriously.. if it wasn't for them I'd probably still be curled up in a ball crying in the corner of terminal A.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

googly eye?

I went to the eye doctor yesterday for the first time in 6 or 7 years. I've had glasses since I was 16 but never wear them. The lenses don't even fit in the frames anymore. I've known since I was a teenager that I have astigmatism and figured that as a 25 year old adult, I'd better get a check up. At work I have to pull my computer monitor an embarrassingly close distance to my face so I figured I was in store for an updated prescription and maybe even (gasp!) contacts.

At the doctor I did the normal tests - the puff of air in the eye (which always makes me think of Rachel on Friends), followed the doctor's pen move around in circles, and read the eye chart from across the room. I found that I had a really hard time distinguishing any letters with my left eye when my right eye was covered. Everything looked like teensy little grey blurry blobs.


She wrote some things on her clipboard and said,

"You have astigmatism. It's worse in your left eye and making it a

mild

LAZY eye.

have you ever been told that?"

"umm. nope... "

She left the room and I sat there shocked wondering about my newly announced lazy eye. Is this something people can see and NO ONE has EVER told me?!! Do people not know which eye to look at when they talk to me?? That is SO awkward! She said when I followed the pen my eye was floaty! I never knew I had a set of googly eyes.

When I got home I made Laina stare at me. She said she couldn't see it. But I feel like I have a set of

gOoGLy eyes.

my matinee date

oh you know.. just hanging out with some ceee-yuute boys today

so what if they're only 17 years old?

sensory underload

In any big city, we have sensory overload. Thousands of sights to be seen, things to be heard, food to taste, things to feel, and smells to be smelled (although usually an unpleasant trash and pee combo). We have the gift of senses.. did we forget that?

A few weeks ago I heard on the news that NYPD vehicles have been outfitted with a device called the Rumbler. Ever since I heard this story I've been a little obsessed. This is a device that is used in tandem with the LOUD and forceful audible siren. The Rumbler emits vibrations that can be felt, so drivers with their stereos on and pedestrians with headphones on can be alerted to the approach of emergency vehicles. Are bright flashing RED and blue lights and ear splitting sirens not enough to catch our attention anymore? Soon we're going to have to be tasered.

iPods and car stereos aren't the only things to be blamed. Texting, Twittering, Facebooking while walking are all the things that are endangering us. We don't pay attention to what we're doing or where we're going. We've seen the headlines: "Texting Teen Falls Down Manhole," London introduced a "safe texting street" !!lined with padded lampposts!! Are we going to have to text-proof our world now? Ridiculous.

But, I too am guilty which is why I am writing this post. On Wednesday after work I had some time to kill before meeting a friend. I decided to walk around a little bit--look for my future husband... hey, you NEVER know!

Anyway.. I'm walking along and glance at my iPod to ensure Lady Gaga is on repeat when BAMMmM! One of my biggest fears takes place! Did I miss seductive eye contact with a handsome 6'4" stud? .no. .worse.

Carelessly in my Lady Gaga iPod dilemma, I failed to see

THIS

headed straight at me!

I had to JUMP over the cane to avoid tripping both of us! My lack of awareness and appreciation for my eye sight got me thinking about how much I take it for granted. It's sad to think about people who are living with the challenges of not having all working senses in comparison to those of us who would rather have iPods in our ears and BlackBerries in front of our faces.

I say, put the phone in the pocket, pull the headphones out of your ears and take a look and listen around. We're lucky we can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell our world.



even if it does sometimes smell like pee.

for Colleen

you know what its for.
I love you.

this just seems wrong

In college I used to happily blast the Mariah Carey Christmas CD in my dorm room the day after Halloween. Once Halloween was over I basically considered it Christmas and gladly embraced the holiday season. For some reason I am a total Scrooge and in denial this year. But its creeping up on me everywhere! Here are just a few examples...

Although not yet lit, the LES Christmas lights were hung in my neighborhood BEFORE Halloween.

Today, on a day where I had a PICNIC in Central Park at a comfortable 60-something-degree sunny day, we noticed that the Christmas star is ALREADY hanging in the 57th Street intersection.Trying to ease into it, I have Mariah Carey playing right now, but it does not feel right. Where did summer go? I just spent the past 3 hours going through my clothes and hanging all my sweaters converting my closet into a winter closet.

How is this happening??!!

Shut up Mariah! I don't care who you want for Christmas... It is NOT time for you yet.

Does anyone agree with me? I'm pissed.

x y z

Today was one of those days where everything was off. First of all, I hate Tuesdays with a passion. They are always my worst days. I snoozed my alarm for too long, decided to download music instead of get ready, just missed the subway. I seemed to have fallen out of the "loop" that I need to be in at work. I couldn't do anything right. In an email fight with my boss (fight = normal emails by the way... I am clearly overly sensitive) I was forced to apologize for something really minor that wasn't even a problem rather than lack of clarity.. blaghhh I hate being forced to admit to my boss that I am an incapable idiot.

ANYWAY..

Today was one of those days where I didn't seem to understand anything around me. I missed meetings I didn't know I was supposed to be in, I was included in projects I didn't know my boss volunteered me to help out in. I accidentally said "fart" instead of "part" and I was put in charge of managing the remodeling of a new office!!!? I didn't know any of the correct technical and contractor terms I should've been using when speaking with the head of facilities and information systems. Again.. I sounded like a huge idiot. (think: "ohh so your department only hooks up the phone wires and not the ..umm .. power wires?)

When deciding what to do after work today, I figured it would be best to go straight home to avoid any more forced announcements of my idiocity. Plus all I really wanted to do anyway was watch Gossip Girl and eat the $6 worth of broccoli I bought this weekend (Whole Foods is hella expen$ive!) I sat on the subway home rethinking my day and getting frustrated with myself and how I need to try harder tomorrow and do a better job before my boss really starts regretting hiring me.

Frustration and annoyance with my lack of savviness in life started to take over until this entered my subway train and stood right in front of my face. This is when my staring problem and immaturity took over. My formerly frustrated furrowed brow was lifted as my inner 3rd grader was overjoyed and dying to yell

"XYZ! eXamine Your Zipper!!!"

He must have been having a lousy Tuesday too. It's nice to know that in a city where everyone seems so polished and put together, this guy wasn't. At least all of my clothes were properly on and fastened today.

I realize that my level of excitement over this is very pathetic. But its probably more pathetic that I ate $6 worth of broccoli!