happy

new year!!

how was your Christmas break?

Today I was among the 10 people who went back to work, 3 days after Christmas. The holiday spirit still was lingering in the office and my other three co-workers who stumbled into the office today were joyfully exchanging stories. I saw Avatar. I went to great parties. I went to New Orleans!!

Jamie, what did you do?

ummmm.. I did a 1000-piece puzzle .

 

yep, HUGE nerd.
I also played with this cute pup. How is she so cute? I just want to bite her ear off!!! Seriously clenching my jaw looking at this picture.

twenty ten new men - part I

After my break up in September, my dear friend and future roommate Kilali (also victim of horrible relationships in '09) and I resolved to allow ourselves to be sad and pathetic for the remainder of the year but bounce back in the new year. From September through December I was MIA, ordered in a LOT of pad thai and laid on the couch watching countless hours of TV. But with the new year approaching, I am getting antsy and ready to head into the decade with our mantra TWENTY-TEN NEW MEN!

Let me set the record straight by saying this isn't a race to see who can be the bigger maneater, but more of a healthy mindset. The ex files are officially closed, folks. I must say, a boost of inspiration comes from my friends' blog the 4321 Experiment where four roommates (two of which I once called roommates) are all online dating and reporting their results for all to read. Over Thanksgiving my mom started nudging me: "why don't you try your own experiment? You need to see that not all guys are jerks." My response at the time: "Mom, I am NOT interested. Someone who hates all men should not be dating!!!!"

Flash forward one month and I have resolved to take matters into my own hands and seek out new and better men. Something clicked and I started twenty ten new men early.

For example...

Last week after drinking champagne at a work function, a few of us migrated to a bar. Being that we started drinking at 4, I was drunk by 8. I began making eyes--blatantly staring at a cute waiter. He was cute, tall and was wearing glasses. Somehow after tequila shots with gross Jersey Shore type guys, I boldly decided to give the scholarly-cute waiter my phone number. I walked up to him and when I tried to give him my number, he stopped me because he had already written his number for me to take.

Let the texting begin! I woke up painfully hungover on Friday and looked through my phone only to be embarrassed by the stupid texts I sent. But, they must not have been that bad because he kept asking when we could meet up. He came over to my friend's party on Saturday (through a blizzard mind you) and was SO nice, cute, friendly and tall. He is from Georgia, one of 5 siblings and confessed to reading the Twilight series. Aside from the Twilight confession, he did pass my test #1. I was wearing 3 inch heels which put me at 6'2", and he was STILL comfortably taller than me.

But things have gotten a little weird. He texts me at random times and has yet to set anything in stone. Hello, why can't you just pick a time and we will meet. It's called a date!? Come on Southern boy, you should know how to charm a lady!!

Yesterday he asked at 5:19pm if we could meet up. I said possibly later because I have to pack and run some errands before I leave for Seattle. No response. I woke up this morning to find a text received at 1:29am "You still out? need a drink or hot cocoa?" ...ummm no. I went to bed at 11:30. And this is where I get awkward. I don't know how to respond to that. I figure my options are:

1) "Hi. I was asleep at 1:30.. rain check?"
2) "By later, I meant 8 or 9, not 1:30"
3) "Are you a vampire? Why are you drinking cocoa at 1:30 am?"

Obviously I sent him text option 3.

TWENTY TEN NEW MEN!!

Let the games begin!

that fuzzy Christmas feeling

Today I received a super chic and fancy Christmas present. It is the below tower of cute purple boxes with toffee, caramels and truffles from some swanky Upper East Side chocolate shop. I was so excited because A.) I love purple, B.) I don't have much food at home and C.) I have an aggressive fat inner child who could barely wait the subway ride home to binge on the chocolate for dinner.

I opened up the pretty the boxes and read the 'what's what' information inside and chose to try the Naga chocolate. Sweet Indian curry powder + coconut + milk chocolate. The circled chocolate below.

I bit into it and it was rock hard and coated inside with a strange powdery/fuzzy texture. I took a closer look at the inside (although it was really blurry because I JUST finally got my contacts). I thought maybe this was some strange exotic addition and was maybe the curry powder until I felt the fuzz of mold on my tongue. I ran to the bathroom to spit it out and wash out my mouth.

Laina and I cut up all the rest to see what was lurking inside. Out of the box of nine, two were moldy. Of course it was the one I bit into.

Merry Moldy Christmas!

chestnuts

Roasting in a hot dog? stand..

I have equal feelings of intrigue and disgust seeing New York City's hot dog stands roast and serve CHESTNUTS during the holidays. The smoke is thick and REEKS! Whenever I have to pass a cart I make my best effort to dive out of the way before the wretched smell permeates my hair.

Maybe I don't fully grasp the whole chestnuts at Christmas time correlation (besides singing Jack Frooooost nipping at your nose). But today after work I was feeling inquisitive and got obsessed with ASKING a hot dog stand guy what the heck these nuts are doing sharing a basket with pretzels! They don't belong there.


I passed 4 or 5 stands until I gained the courage to ask about a nut display. The chestnuts were hanging in a tin foil bowl with a purple ribbon dangling at the bottom-so festive. I marched up and asked "What are these? And why do you have them?"

He responded simply, "they are chestnuts and we have them because people like them."

I asked stupidly, "well, do people actually buy them though? Because they stink!"

He said, "Yes, that's why we sell them."

"Well that makes sense. But isn't it weird that you sell them from a HOT DOG STAND next to PRETZELS and GATORADE?"

He either thought I was a major idiot, or didn't understand much of what I was saying. He laughed, shrugged and cracked open a nut for me to try.

I swear it tasted like a hot dog. 


 

It's been a year!!!

my blind date

It is FINALLY Friday night and as I was wrapping up at work, I received a text message from my gay best friend.

"You doing anything tonight? Interested in seeing a single man at 1020?"

My thoughts = that's odd. Is he setting me up on a blind date? Who plans a date at 10:20? That's a weird time. I didn't think he knew any single, straight men. My response: "A straight single man?"


His response: "Ha! Tom Ford's new movie."


Oh. Right...

A few minutes later after feeling embarrassed and laughing at myself realizing I confused a movie for a man, I said, "So you realize I thought you were setting me up on a blind date, right? haha!"


"Yeah, I got that :-) Sorry don't know many single straight men"


I don't think anyone does.

ponytail lessons

Laina: do you ever wear your hair in a ponytail?

Me: no.

Laina: Why not?

Me: Because I have a weird shaped head.

Laina: Show me. I don't know what you're talking about.

I gather my hair and attempt to show her my weird head.

Laina: Has someone told you that your head is a weird shape?

Me: No, but I think so. Plus all the shorter pieces of hair fall in my face and are annoying.

Laina: You can pin them back. Ponytails are so convenient.

I get a ponytail holder and put my hair up and look at the back of my head with two mirrors.

Me: See, it just looks dumb. It sticks straight out and I don't know how high to wear it. My hair is too short to be in a ponytail anyway.

Laina: It does not look weird! And it does not stick straight out.

Me: Ok, but another reason I don't like them is since I'm tall when my hair is up it makes my head look tiny on a big body. Like a pea head.

Laina: You don't have a tiny head on a big body! Pull it up again and let me see. If you don't wear your hair in ponytails because you think you have a weird head or look like you have a tiny head, that's not true and not a legitimate reason to not wear ponytails. If you don't wear them because you simply don't like them, then that's fine.

Me: Ok, I don't like them.

I swear we've had this conversation before.

reindeer games

Holiday parties are starting to be talked about at work. I got an email from another assistant about planning a surprise Christmas party. It went a little something like this:

So- for our December monthly meeting coming up, the last 30 minutes will be a mini holiday celebration - it will be a surprise. I'm going to need some help so anyone else that would like to volunteer, please pass this along! I'm in the process of ordering pastries, cupcakes, gingerbread men, coffee, and mimosas.

I'm going to need help passing out the treats and drinks. I've got some cute little Santa hats and reindeer noses for you all to wear! Plus mini candy canes to pass around. Please let me know if you can/want to help out and we can talk at some point next week to nail down the plan. Thanks!

 I of course volunteered to help, but said a big HELL to the NO to wearing a reindeer nose. One girl replied to all saying:

I'm def in to help. I refuse to wear a reindeer nose unless I have 5+ mimosas. :-)

This will be fun to work with all people my age. Today we had our first planning meeting. The girl planning it was talking about her boss and how crazy he has been about it. She said he has called her a few times at night just to tell her the ideas he's thought of.

One of his ideas is that he is making her sing! She has created a makeshift band with other employees to perform during the party. Her most annoying band member is the flutist. haha. The other planners and I teased her about how embarrassing and lame it is going to be. The meeting and "party" will begin at 9am! Who is going to get in the social and holiday spirit and want to party at 9:30am!??

During all the joking and laughing, I uncontrollably said "oh too bad I didn't know about this sooner, I would've sang with you."

biggest. mistake. ever.

Now she asked me to come to her band practices! This party is going to be a bad rendition of a Glee song. How am I going to sneak away from my desk for my secret reindeer Glee club practices?

Other things her boss wants us to do that are equally embarrassing are:

• Sing-- obviously embarrassing
• Throw fake snow into the crowd
• Head of HR dress up as Santa Claus
• Walk down the main staircase in Santa hats and reindeer noses serving platters of candy canes
• Did I mention singing in front of 160+ work professionals with a reindeer nose on?!

I can just hear future conversations now:

"Who is the new girl in PR? I keep forgetting."

"Oh, that reindeer singer girl who threw fake snow."

"That's right. What a nerd."

case in point.

To Be Continued...

funny Target