Värnamo ho!

Once upon a Saturday afternoon, roommates Jamie and Laina ventured to the Brooklyn Ikea. They were on a couch hunt. They wandered through the maze of couches doing their comparison shopping Goldilocks-style: "this one is too hard, this one is too expensive, this one is juuuuust right!" The girls found a very plush, perfectly sized brownish-with-a-hint-of-purple couch for a very reasonable price. Jamie wrote down Värnamo and its location in the warehouse. The girls meandered through the course of Ikea and selected various other necessities--wineglasses, frames, a cantaloupe colored flower.

The girls finally made their way to aisle 18 bin 52 where the couch was located and come across nothing. Not one purpley-brown couch in sight. Feeling defeated and learning that the store will not receive another shipment until Tuesday, the girls hesitantly headed toward the cash registers. Instantly the other purchases seemed meaningless without having a couch in tow.

Laina chose a cash register line and Jamie followed. Suddenly the next thing Jamie saw was Laina jumping and grasping something in front of them.

"It's the couch! You took the last couch!!!" She exclaimed to the redhead in front of them.
"It was the last one? There were two when I saw it there." said the redhead as she draped her denim jacket over the couch, staking her claim.
"There weren't anymore..." Laina said sadly as she turned to face equally saddened Jamie.

"Bitch." Jamie whispered to Laina.
"Seriously, give us the couch" Laina and Jamie made some quiet banter back and forth.
"I'll buy you a Pinkberry if you give us the couch"
"Jame, we dilly dallied too long! We would have gotten one of them!"
"It's because we spent way too much time searching for that stupid lamp. UGH I am pissed!" Jamie said as she stomped her foot in the same bratty way she did as a kid.
"I think she's swiping her second credit card for it. The couch might be ours afterall!" Laina said as she gave the redhead a death stare.
"she looks like she's nervous, she's getting flushed. Just hand over the couch. Your credit card is declined!" Jamie said as she hoped for the credit card to decline.

After the redheaded couch taker left with the couch, Jamie was rung up at the register. "Those girls took the last couch and we wanted it and now we want to hurt them!" Laina told the Ikea cashier who laughed.

..."Did you see a sticker for this? Or remember how much it was?" Asked the Ikea cashier as she searched the cantaloupe hued faux flower.
"No, I have no idea." Jamie said annoyed.
"hmmm..."
"Damn it Laina! You chose a flower with no tag! This is the worst Ikea experience ever! Forget the flower." Jamie whined with another stomp of the foot.
"Well, why don't I ring everything up, put it all on hold and then you can run back and get another flower and then you can cut the line and come pay for it all." The cashier offered.
"Ok."

Jamie headed back through the warehouse where she instantly laid eyes on THE couch!! Something snapped inside of her and she tried to call Laina. No answer. She sprinted back through the maze of customers and yelled while flailing all limbs "LAINA THERE IS AN ABANDONED COooOOuuUCH OVER THEeEeRREeeEeEEeEE!!!"

"GO GET IT!" Laina and the cashier exclaimed in unison.

Without another word Jamie was filled with a surge of adrenaline and weaved back through the sea of customers to stake claim on the unclaimed sofa. After slyly scanning the area, Jamie slowly began pushing the couch in the direction of the registers, waiting for someone to protest her couch theft. Nothing happened. Jamie successfully pushed the couch all the way to the front of the line where the cashier's smile was just as big as Laina's and she was motioning to cut to the front of the line.

Being a smarty pants, Laina had to ask "aren't you glad now that I chose a flower with no tag?"
Jamie gave her a dirty look completed with an eye roll.

"Does this make it your best Ikea experience ever?" Asked the cashier.
"Yes! I am so excited right now!" Jamie grinned. Her bratty mood completely vanished.
"So no flower I take it?"
"Yeah no flower. Over it."

The two girls had never been happier. They got in line for home delivery, filled out the paperwork and were again united with the redhead from before.

"So what couch did you end up getting?" Asked Red.
"Same one as you." Laina stated proudly.
"ohh... I hope its not the one I saw with the big scratch on it" Said bitchy Red.

"yeah whatever, redheaded ho-bag. Why do you have to be such a bitch?" Jamie and Laina again had a whispering bashing session.
"How about you fix your ponytail?!"
"How about you don't wear two shades of kelly green that clash?!"
"and that scarf"

The couch was delivered the SAME DAY scratch free! Stupid redheaded biznatch. Hers better be scratched.