B.Y.O.B.

Being 24 in 2008 means you've had a driver's license for 8 years, 3 years of legal alcohol consumption, you've been able to vote in 2 presidential elections, and are probably one of the youngest people at the job you spend 40+ hours a week hating. The 20's are for "finding yourself," awful dates, maxing out the credit card and partying the weekends away curing hangovers with greasy hashbrowns at 2pm Sunday brunches. BYOB parties should still consist of fridges filled with an assortment of beers appealing to everyone's eclectic tastes. What's not to like about that?

However, it has come to my attention that a lot of my friends are now well past the B being for BEER. Two or three years ago the B made the switch from BEER to BOYFRIEND, then the engagements and weddings started. This was the period of time where the B stood for BLING; when I dealt with the year or two of oooh's and awww's and "wow! How many carats?" at my freshly diamoned ring-fingered friends.

Now the B is now marking the presence of BABIES!

Bring your own BABY?!?!?!! I have been invited to a holiday party with the last line on the Evite reading: "Bring babies, husbands or whomever you'd like" No joke. The RSVP list consists of my high school friends stating their +1's: husbands and babies.

Let me state this disclaimer before continuing: If you are my friend and you have a husband and/or a baby, this is not meant to be offensive. It is great that your life has become so adult-like and you've found "the one." I am happy for you. Mazal Tov!

And in most cases I have celebrated these rights of passage with you. I was your bridesmaid, your wedding singer, attended the wedding, the showers, the bachelorette parties and bought you gifts. I support you 100%.

On the other hand, I find myself in the slow lane watching these friends of mine whizz past me in the fast track of life one by one quickly gaining the titles of wife and mother. The two coasts I belong to have very different roles for me. While on the East Coast, my friends and I are all single and share our best dating horror stories. When on the West Coast, I am one of the last singles in a community of marrieds and repeatedly receive the "you will find someone" speech. Yeah, yeah... save the speech ladies; I'm holding out for eHarmony when I get desperate at 30.

However, I'm beginning to feel a little anxiety about this party, I'm not going to lie. I have no husband, I definitely have no baby, and in all honesty I barely remain interested in a guy long enough to label him as my boyfriend. How am I going to relate?

I decided on the following options for the party:

1. Make some excuse and don't go to the party
   
2. Go to the party solo and be reminded of how incredibly SINGLE I am
   
3. Go to the party, borrow my sister's stepdaughter, claim her as my own (she already agreed to this and said she'd start practicing with Kaylan to make sure she convincingly plays the role as my daughter)
   
4. Hire a male escort à la Debra Messing in The Wedding Date for the party
   
5. Go to the party, bring a baby doll and pretend she is my real live baby

Ok, #5 is a little out there but really makes me laugh. I put the babydoll on the floor with the live babies "oh, did I mention she is really behind in her motor skills? Crawling just hasn't happened yet." I say as the doll lies there facedown and motionless on the carpet. BAHAHAHHA

What will probably end up happening is I will go to the party solo and have a good time. I'll hold the babies, do lots of oohing and awwwing, make small talk with the husbands and other +1's. And as for my +1?? The B as I choose it to be--a BEER. And probably 1+.