happy birthday, you're now unemployed.

I got to work extra early this morning to start the week off on the right foot. I had a feeling work was going to be bad today. I get there and immediately dive into my Excel sheets. I was so busy focusing on my work that I failed to notice the extra odd work environment. No one in my firm is particularly friendly anyway but no one is talking today at all. oh well. must. get. reports. done. by. 8:30.

I successfully finish my crazy Excel report by 8:34 and feel proud of myself for getting the 9 step report done so quickly and efficiently. I distribute and as a reward I make myself a cup of coffee. I fill in at the reception desk to cover a quick bathroom break and out of the conference room exits one of the other younger girls in the firm. I've never actually talked to her but she always seems nice.

"If you need anything, please call." says the voice of the HR director Joe.

She exits with her bags on her shoulders and doesn't look back. Weird. 8:40 am. She quit?

I head back to my cubicle with a pit in my stomach. My cubiclemate's phone rings.

"Hi Joe. Yeah, I'll be right there.." He leaves the cube. The HR assistant comes to collect his jacket.

My intuition screams We're getting laid off and I'm next!!!! I quickly and frantically delete as many stupid personal emails as I can in 3 minutes. Shit, I have 7 pairs of flats under my desk, a yellow bathmat, my desk drawers are full of sweaters, a hooker-looking skirt, a Danielle Steel book and a Blowpop. I throw it all into a bag and my phone rings with the conference room on the caller ID. I'm a gonner!

I enter the conference room to see the HR directors at the table with a maroon folder in front of them. Both of them looking at me with bloodshot glassy eyes. My shaky hands can barely close the door.

"I don't know if you realize what's happening today, but we are having to downsize the firm and your position is being terminated..."

That's all I was able to comprehend from this talk. Somehow his words were not words anymore, my hands were leaving wet marks on the table, my voice turned semi-manly and hoarse and they wouldn't even let me go back to my desk to pack my own stuff. Before I knew it the HR directors were forcing me to exchange my corporate credit card and key cards for the yellow bathmat and the maroon folder.

I exit the building into the rain not quite sure what emotion to feel. I hated the job but now this is a mess. Unemployment?! ME??? really?? Don't they know tomorrow is my birthday? RUDE!

And to make matters worse I forgot to grab my favorite lipgloss and my Marc Jacobs pen.

Happy Birthday and Happy Unemployment to me!