shall we cab it?

Only a few circumstances get me to raise up my arm and hail a cab. I am an avid walker, bus rider and subway taker. But the circumstances in which I 'cab it' include: temperatures < onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo0-0DOrvrpaT3gUd2kEJt7auWZqZKn3G1pXllpwYo3Nhba8YcqOsg8IXOuDyr9-euDpma_6iTq4NxYHRcIzrKS70yjKh8e25GUnRUVT5se_RZcaIzZztp334N0-E0w-E-BkK1anW2bxY/s1600-h/nyc+taxis.jpg">Thursday morning 3am. West side bar to my apartment:

me: have you had any crazy people in your cab? Any celebrities?
cabbie: yeah, I don't pay much attention to them. I had the mayor once. Very cheap
me: that's not good. So, do you have to go to cab school to drive a cab?
cabbie: yes, it's really hard. You are trained for 15 days, then have to pass a test of 100 questions and if you miss more than 20 questions you fail
me: what kind of questions?
cabbie: what landmark is on 84th and 5th?
me: the Met
cabbie: yes. What is the cross street for 800 5th Avenue?
me: umm somewhere higher than Abercrombie... 58th? 59th? 60th street??
cabbie: close enough. What avenue in Manhattan is parallel to (insert random street name) in Brooklyn?
me: oh... I have no idea. That is tough

Saturday 6:30pm, West side to the East side with Laina, 13 degrees outside

cabbie: What do you think of Obama?
Laina: we're hopeful. It should be interesting
cabbie: Hopefully he is a smart man, I mean you don't get smart from just reading a text book, you have to know about a lot of stuff. Avocado trees. Where do avocados come from?
Laina: California
cabbie: where do grapes come from?
Laina: California
cabbie: See those things in the window there, those products are killing people. See those chips, those are feeding people, people are hungry. Obama will help feed the hungry people
me: sending a text to Laina "WTF avocado trees??"
cabbie: blah blah blahh bllahh people in China speak Chinese, People in Russia...
me: speak Russian
cabbie: you understand??
Laina: yeah.... mmmm hmmm
the cab driver continues talking non-stop and I am not following him at all anymore. I can not understand a word he is saying except "you understand?"
me: sending a text to Laina "I bet he talks like this even when his cab is empty. Someone get this man a bluetooth immediately!"

Sunday 12:50pm, leaving apartment late to go to brunch at 1pm on Upper West Side

cabbie: What are you doing today?
me: going to brunch with some friends
cabbie: Girls or boys? Or both? How many?
me: Just girls. 4 of us
cabbie: So you left the boys at home?
I begin tuning out this conversation
me: uhhh.... yeah
cabbie: did they cry? *makes crying noises*
me: umm no
cabbie: so what is your boyfriend doing today, then?
Due to my lack of participation in the conversation, the cab driver has reached his own conclusions about my life and it seems weird to stop to tell him I don't have a boyfriend, so I go with it
me: oh, he's just at home
cabbie: So you have a strong boyfriend, how old is he? Do you satisfy him? Does he satisfy you? Who tires who out more?
me: umm I don't know. he is 26
I am such a liar. I call my friends and no one answers, so I fake a phone call
me: oh hey Amy, yeah I should be there in 5 minutes. Ok great see you soon
cabbie: look at all the snow in the park
me: yeah, it looks really pretty
cabbie: it looks like Obama and his mom. The dark and the white. hahah Obama and his mom. Get it? The dark and the white?
me: yeah... I can get out on this corner